TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

[thisflowerimagines]

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TO DO

Comments

Clara Oswald | Doctor Who

[basicallytwitter]

1. I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
2. I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
3. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY

2!

[ohstarryeyed]

that's almost impressive enough not to be shameful

Jim Kirk | Star Trek AOS

[captaincocksure]

1. you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
2. Naked snow angels was a very bad idea.
3. There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.

three!

[waitress]

i really hope that's part of some mass grilled cheese making spree, because that stuff's downright nasty by itself.

Rachel Conway | OC

[gotbottle]

1. I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
2. He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
3. He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture of another guy's dick. He called me ruthless.

one.

[crashdown]

i can help you with the vitamin water, but not so much jesus.

Christine Chapel | Star Trek AOS AU

[mynameischristine]

1. I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
2. Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
3. You don't know how much I love him. He could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love him.

1

[uncompliant]

what shade is that? just so i know to walk the other way when i see it.

John Constantine | Hellblazer

[nastypieceofwork]

1. I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
2. So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
3. It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket

2!

[ohstarryeyed]

not that i'm completely against strangers turning up in nothing but a trenchcoat and a bow, but.... who is this?

Bruce Wayne | Batman Begins and The Dark Knight

[whydowefall]

1. Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
2. Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
3. Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years

1

[tired]

Master Wayne, perhaps it is for the best some things remain forever a mystery.

caroline forbes | the vampire diaries

[vampireboulevard]

I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.

[eluding]

Congratulations! I will have this shot in your honor to celebrate!

lois lane | smallville

[all_thecavalry]

Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

[normalguy]

...I don't live in your house but now I'm curious as to what bad decisions can make a house great. They seem like opposite things.

alexander abernathy | original

[undermyfeet]

Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now

[woundable]

is that the only thing that makes these nachos special? i need to know before i get over there. i don't want to be disappointed.

ethan hale | original

[eluding]

1. On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety.

2. If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

2

[aleksandar]

tequila does seem to be your mortal enemy. just remember you asked this of us.

zoe dabrowski | original

[anendlesswar]

Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.

rafe guevara | original character

[woundable]

i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

[normalguy]

...do you smell smoke or have any burns on you?

nikola tesla | sanctuary

[serbian]

❶ you texted me last night to tell me you had invented a new food: cheese-less grilled cheese. congratulations, you made toast.

❷ you tried to wear your jesus costume into family christian stores and say it was a book signing.

❸ when you wake up, i have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.

3

[consumes]

...did you just come from a five year old's birthday party?

sookie stackhouse | true blood

[waitress]

❶ i have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. i'd say i'm a little past tipsy.

❷ whenever you're ready, we need breakfast and a psychic.

❸ found a water bottle filled with blood in my purse this morning...

1

[outgunned]

sounds like the start of a memorable weekend if you ask me.

Cassie Riddle | Original Character

[ohstarryeyed]

1. i woke up in my bathtub clutching two empty bottles of wine?

2. brb going to narnia

3. the more shots i drink the more determined i am to try pole dancing.

#3 1/3

[shellbreaker]

You...

Peter Parker | The Amazing Spider-man

[normalguy]

I feel like on the special instructions for the pizza delivery guy, I should write: "Do not judge me".

[woundable]

why would the pizza delivery guy judge you?

Scarlett Langford | Original Character

[watchthemfall]

1. Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie

2. I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH

3. my boobs are covered in glitter. they're fucking magical okay

[consumes]

ftr, your boobs need more than glitter to be considered magical. or anyone could douse themselves in glitter and start performing spells

Martha Masters | House MD

[makespaperplanes]

1. i have made a fort out of all my medical textbooks. you're invited. bring more wine.

2. I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy

3. bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

[waitress]

considering who your boss is...

angel ( btvs/ats )

[convents]

1) for future reference: in rome "piano bar" means "brothel"
2) of course i have a pirate flag
3) just remembered i said your cat looked delicious last night

[visiongirl]

do i want to know what you were doing in a brothel?

Elliot Reid | Scrubs

[likesroleplay]

It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.

LMFAO i am apologizing alreadyyyyy

[consumes]

now is this just one bang that somehow, impressively and sadly counts as both the best and the worst or are you having a series of best and worst bangs?

Allison Argent | Teen Wolf

[transferee]

i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

[aleksandar]

someone should definitely award you some kind of medal

Olivia Fox | Original Char

[irrepressibility]

1) you know what scares me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started putting "made with real cheese". WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

2) My breasts were aching with rage.

2!!!!

[crescents]

i was not aware that they possessed such an ability.

anna(belle) | the vampire diaries.

[aneurism]

i found him making dirt angels in the garden